Tax Day at the Post Office

The following was posted by Johno on April 19, 1999 at 21:55:56 
on World Wide Wits End Message Board

April 15, 1999. It is 11 in the evening and time to put on the local news. Time for "Action News".

Da da da da da da da da da da da da. "The War in Kosovo escalates, the Chinese now have neutron bombs with multiple war head capability that can now hit mainland USA, the President is cited by a federal judge for lying under oath in court, but

THE BIG STORY IS - ONLY ONE HOUR LEFT TO FILE YOUR TAX RETURN.

Let's go to 30th Street Station live, to Muffy Jo Twinkleeyes. Muffy Jo, we see that it is pretty busy at Philadelphia Regional Post Office. What is going on?

"Well, Jim, as you can see behind me, cars are lined up all the way down 30th street onto the Schuylkill Expressway, backed up all the way to Valley Forge, and the Turnpike is bumper to bumper all the way to Ohio."

"That is simply amazing Muffy Jo. How does this compare to last year?"

Well Jim, last year cars were lined up all the way to Wisconsin. Here with me is U.S. Postal clerk Hugh B. Scrood. Hugh, will the Post Office be able to get all of these returns post marked by the midnight deadline?"

HA HA HA HA HA Muffy Jo. Hell, we'll be lucky to get them stamped at all. What is really fun is taking the postage off of the envelopes and returning them to the sender for insufficient postage. What a hoot. As you probably know, our unofficial motto here at the Post Office is 'fuck the assholes', and as you can see, we sure get our share every April 15.

Hugh, I don't think you can say that on live TV.

Ok Muffy, hows about 'blow me'? I learned that one on the Internet.

Muffy Jo, Jim Gardner here back at the station. The man behind you, the gentleman with the gun. Is he a postal employee or an Eagles fan?

Jim, I really don't know, but, I can only hope he is a Postal Employee. This is Muffy Jo Twinkleeyes reporting. Back to you at the station.